The following selections are from books that may not necessarily be great writing - they won't win awards for the beauteous lyricism of their prose - but they made me laugh, and that's always a good thing.
First, from Bridget Jones' Diary by Helen Fielding:
Tuesday 19 December9:45 a.m. Oh God, feel awful: horrible sick acidic hangover and today is office disco lunch. ... Better go to work - but will not have anything to drink at disco lunch, just be friendly and professional, stay til about 3:30 p.m., then leave and do my Christmas cards.2 a.m. Course is OK - everyone drunks office Christmas parties. Is a good fun. Must gust sleep doen mattr about clothesoff.Wednesday 20 December5:30 a.m. Oh my God. Oh my God. Where am I?
And this one's from David Wong's John Dies at the End, as a group of people are about to face a horde of demons.
John said to me, "If I die, I want you to tell everybody I died in the coolest way possible. You can have my CDs. My brother will demand the Playstation, since I borrowed it from him a year ago, so don't fight him for it."Jennifer hesitated for a long moment before saying, "Um, there's a loose floorboard under my bed. I keep stuff down there. There's some pot and a little notebook with like, some guys' names in it, and - some other stuff. If I die I want one of you to go in my bedroom and get all that stuff out so my mom doesn't find it."Next Fred piped up. "Okay. If I don't come back, and say they don't got my body, like if Justin eats me or somethin', tell everybody you don't know what happened. Make it mysterious. And then a year later spread rumors that you've seen me wanderin' around town. That way I'll be like Bigfoot, everybody claiming to have seen me here and there. Legend of Fred Chu. And then, like, once a year go out and mutilate some livestock. Tell everybody I did it, that you saw me flyin' my UFO around that night it happened."
It turns out that the character John is the singer for a band, and the band's songs have an effect against demons, in particular the song "Camel Holocaust". Given the lyrics, you can understand this.
My melon soulCrushed by your Gallagher of apathySledgehammer! Hammmerrrrr!Camel Holocaust! Camel Holocaust!There's a wolf behind youNo wait, it's just a dogOh, shit! Badger! Baaaaadgeerrrr!Camel Holocaust! Camel Holocaust!
I'd happily cough up some money to make this song a reality.
So if you need a laugh, check out both of these books. They're lots of fun.