Literary pet peeves

I was thinking the other day of some things that annoy me in fiction. In general, I'm a pretty forgiving reader. Plot coincidences? Sure, as long as they work within the context of the story. Occasionally clunky writing? As long as the storytelling is sincere and I'm engaged with the characters, I'll allow it. But there are a few things that really bug me.

"Because I Said So" Relationships: Character interactions are important to me. As a reader, I need to have an understanding of why characters are friends, enemies, lovers, etc. It doesn't have to be spelled out for me in letters three feet high. All I need is for the character relationships to feel believable and organic. But sometimes there will be interactions that just don't seem to work. For example, one character is deeply fascinated with another and wants to learn more about that person, but the reader doesn't see what makes the person so fascinating. This is the peeve I'm most lenient on — heck, there are people in my own family whose relationships leave me scratching my head.

"Eye of the Hurricane" Characters: Often found in "Because I Said So" Relationships, these characters have interesting things happen around them, and to them. Yet the characters themselves are not interesting. Oftentimes these characters are not so much people in their own right, but catalysts for the other characters' growth and actions. It's especially unfortunate when this not-to-interesting character is the main character — it gives the book a hollow feel.

The Character Arc Loop-De-Loop: This is the peeve I cannot let slide. Few things irritate me more than when a character, who's been established as behaving a certain way, decides to behave a radically different way just to keep the plot moving. This is not to say that characters can't change. They can, and should, but the change has to be organic, and dictated by what has happened to them over the course of the novel. A previously taciturn character should not suddenly become talkative and sassy just because a talkative-and-sassy character would have livened things up. A character who's been established as having strong views on a certain topic should not suddenly change those views in order to take the plot in a given direction. There are some books that I used to enjoy a great deal until on a re-read I realized they had the Character Arc Loop-De-Loop, and my affection for those books has waned a great deal.

Readers, what are some of your literary pet peeves?

No apologies

Short but excellent piece over at Book Riot, urging us all to never apologize for our taste in books.

This hits home for me, as I spent the first 40 years of my life apologizing for my taste in not just books but movies and music as well. Even now, I still find myself apologizing, though it's changed a bit. In the past I apologized for liking weird, geeky things. Oftentimes now I find myself apologizing for "normal" things like romance novels or TV procedurals.

But life is too short and there's only so much time to enjoy all the arts available to us. So enjoy what you enjoy, and never apologize.

Looking back on 2012

Usually at the start of a new year I look back and list the reading I've done for the past 12 months. Unfortunately, due to a variety of reasons I didn't keep very good track of my reading this year. I read a lot of books, but I also went through long stretches when I skimmed books I'd read a gazillion times before, or spent my reading time flipping through cookbooks. So my apologies for no list o' books, as I usually provide.

But the real story, I think, is that in 2012 I published my debut novel, The Day After Yesterday. This has been a thrilling experience on so many levels. It's very validating to see your book on shelves and on the web for sale; to see reviews that understand what you were trying to accomplish with the story and characters; and to finally, finally get paid for your work. (Not that I've made a huge amount of money, but it's the first time I've been paid for writing that wasn't part of the day job.)

I've learned a lot with this book, and will put what I've learned to work later this year, when I publish my two-book suspense series: Ashes will be published in March, with Reckoning to follow some time in the fall (exact date TBD).

So for what it's worth, here are some observations and lessons learned from my jump into self-publishing.

• Get an imprint - that is, a publishing name for you and you alone. This will prevent you from having to use, for example, the CreateSpace imprint from Amazon, which some readers and reviewers avoid. Be sure to get a nice logo that you can use on letterhead, marketing materials, and so on. 
• Make sure you get ISBNs. This is crucial if you're publishing multiple books in more than one platform (print and ebook). You can buy a bundle of them from Bowker. 
• Don't be shy - tell people you're published. I know how difficult it is to hustle one's works. It requires a certain amount of social skills, and frankly if I had a plethora of those I wouldn't be a writer. Find a way to mention it without bragging or sounding pretentious, and I think you'll find people are generally impressed and interested. If you have a print copy, carry one around so you can show people.
• Don't be shy - ask people for reviews. This goes for asking friends and family members for Amazon reviews. This also goes for asking bloggers and others to review your book. Not every request will pan out, but some will, and over time they add up. Be gracious and thank reviewers for their time and consideration - this can benefit you in the long run. If a reviewer likes one book of yours, if you ask nicely they may be receptive to reviewing your next one.
• Don't be shy (are you sensing a theme here?) - talk to your local indie bookstores. Some may have established consignment programs that you can participate in (some will also provide advertising if you pay for it). Some may not have an established program, but are still willing to take on your book. Which leads to....
• Follow the golden rule, and respect your fellow indie book folk. When an indie bookstore stocks your book, pick up the unsold copies at the time agreed-on, or provide postage or some other easy way for the store to return the books. Indie bookstores have a hard enough time these days without having to worry about your books and how long those will be clogging up the inventory. Likewise, respect the book bloggers who are receptive to reviewing indie books. If the blogger says they're too overwhelmed to take on new books to review, respect that. Check back later and see if the schedule has cleared up. If the blogger focuses on, for example, science fiction or romance exclusively, don't send them your cozy mystery. Target blogs that take your genre or are open to any kind of novel. And above all: SAY THANK YOU! In person, via email, or send a thank you note. I've done all three, and now have stores and blogs who are looking forward to my next effort. It's nice, and it pays off. Karma, people.
• Don't get mad when things don't pan out. Sometimes a review request or other promotional opportunity doesn't pan out. Sometimes you get a bad review. Don't take it personally, and above all do not turn into one of those writers who gets into an online grudge match with the critics. Just repeat the wise words of The Dude and say "Yeah, well, that's just, like, your opinion, man" and move on.
• Take time to edit, polish and otherwise make your book the best product it can be. Self-published work has a perception problem, and only by producing quality self-published product can we change that perception.
• Remember the great trade-off of self-publishing: you have the freedom to publish whatever you want, whenever you want; but you have to make things happen yourself. You're responsible for getting your book reviewed, and for getting ads, interviews, and other publicity. You're responsible for getting your book into the available ebook formats and into bricks-and-mortar bookstores. It won't be easy, and while there are free options out there, you will have to spend some money. Find out what your options are - again, don't be shy. Ask around. Do some research. But don't get so involved in the marketing of your work that the writing ceases to be fun. Get enjoyment out of making your work available, and take pleasure in the recognition and revenue you get, no matter how much (or how little it is). 

Above all, have fun.

DON'T watch this now: Trailer for The Lorax

It was great to see The Adventures of Tintin over Christmas break - twice! It was everything an adaptation should be - a translation of the work into a different medium, with storytelling and character introductions to suit the medium; with lots of in-jokes for the fans but easy for those unfamiliar with the work to understand; and most of all, true to the spirit of the original work.

The downside of all this was having to see the trailer for the abominable-looking adaptation for The Lorax. I shouldn't be surprised, really. Shitty adaptations of Dr. Seuss' work have been the status quo since Ron Howard's bungling of How the Grinch Stole Christmas. But the trailer alone for The Lorax sent me into a hissy fit, because it is wrong on so many levels.

The Lorax isn't high on most people's list of favorite Dr. Seuss books. But I've always loved it, and I have the feeling it instilled in me my love for fiction that's depressing yet somehow just uplifting enough to not be nihilistic. So it distresses me to see one of my favorite childhood books adapted into something so wrong-headed.

What's wrong, you ask? I'll tell you. First of all, the look. Yes, the Truffula Trees are beautiful, but everything in the trailer has the same candy-colored, plastic-coated look. It's hard to feel the loss of the Truffula Trees and Humming-Fish and Swomee-Swans when the world without them is indistinguishable from the world with them.

What's also wrong is the motivation for the lead character. It's not enough for him to wonder how the world got into its drab, dirty state. No, he wants to find a tree so he can impress a girl. Please.

The voice casting is also completely off, particularly for the Lorax himself. I mean no disrespect to Danny DeVito, but he's not the Lorax.

Maybe the trailer is misleading, but I suspect it isn't. I suspect the moviemakers have taken a very simple (some would say simplistic) cautionary tale and turned into into an overstuffed CGI-fest full of slapstick and vulgarity.

I'm not providing a link to the trailer. Seek it out if you must, but it won't get any clicks through me.

Bookstore Watch: It's looking grim for Borders

I used to love, love, love Borders (books and music and movies! together! like a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup!). But the chain's been in decline for some time now, and according to a story at Shelf Awareness, it looks like Chapter 11 is imminent.

I hate to say this but I'm not surprised. I started noticing a decline in the store's selection a few years back. Then the local one jettisoned its music section. When I can go into a store with $50 in mad money and have trouble finding novels to buy, there are serious problems afoot (after all, I'm not that hard to please - always been more of a "sure, I'll read that!" gal).

I recall when I realized just how badly the selection had been pared back. Seeing more and more books with covers facing out. The "sideways neck bend" one uses when perusing bookstore shelves isn't getting more comfortable as I get older, but it's one of the prices you pay for the pleasure of finding books to buy. That's when I noticed the shelves were full of Hot New Releases and Tried-and-True Classics - with very little in between.

There's always Barnes and Noble (the one near my workplace isn't big but I can nearly always find something there, even if it's another Discworld or Travis McGee). But I want to try and put my dollars towards the indies. Check out those links on the right for "Indie Bookstores I Like". They're all fine places. Support them if you're nearby, and support your local stores if you have them. These places respect readers.

A little education would go a long way

Now playing on the iPod - "O Children" - Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds

Making news recently is the abysmal write-for-hire contract being promoted by James "A Million Little Pieces" Frey (see the story in New York Magazine, also comments by John Scalzi and a follow-up by Scalzi).

I confess that it took reading these articles and comments before I realized that my Bachelor of Arts in English, emphasis on Creative Writing, had not a single class about publishing: what it entails and how it works. Nothing about the nuts-and-bolts basics such as the difference between a query and a synopsis. And certainly nothing about recognizing the warning signs of bad contracts. Nor, it seems, do many MFA programs offer such information.

Creative writing classes can be very valuable to honing writing skills. But trying to make inroads in publishing without a basic education of how the industry works makes an already difficult task even more onerous.

There is good information out there, but for the most part it's up to writers to find it through research, and through trial-and-error. This takes time (time that I'm sure most of us would rather spend doing the actual writing). A week's worth of lectures on publishing would do young writers a world of good (and this shouldn't just be limited to MFA level courses - not all of us have the money or desire to get a Master's degree).

What I'd like to see discussed in a publishing lecture series:

• the markets for fiction and how they are changing
• traditional publishing vs. e-publishing vs. self-publishing - an overview of the pros and cons of each
• the things you need: a finished manuscript, a query, a synopsis
• the importance of revisions and reader feedback before you start looking for an agent or publisher
• how to avoid obvious scams and flim-flam artists
• the basics of copyright law, or, why you don't need to mail yourself a copy of your manuscript

If for whatever reason you're not interested in publishing and just want to write for your own pleasure, maybe run off a few copies at Lulu.com and hand them out to your friends and folks, that's awesome, and more power to you. But if you want to be published one day (and face it, most of us would like that, if not for the mostly mythical big bucks as for the chance to reach an audience beyond friends and folks), it behooves you to learn the ropes of the industry. Because that's what it is. It's business, and tying yourself to an awful contract or banging your head against the doors of literary agents because you don't know the basics of querying will do you no favors, and may put you off writing altogether.

Take a look to the right - those Books and Writing links are a good place to start (I highly recommend Miss Snark - the site is no longer active but the archives are a treasure trove of valuable information).

As for me, I need to get back to work on my query letter - maybe the next revision will get it into fighting shape!

This just in: Plagiarism is bad

Yes, I know, stating the obvious. But apparently it wasn't obvious to the editor of Cooks Source magazine.

It started when a blogger found out that Cooks Source had used one of her articles in its magazine, in violation of copyright and with no permission or compensation. In her defense, after a feeble "my bad" the editor claimed:

"...the web is considered 'public domain' and you should be happy we didn't 'lift' your whole article and put someone else's name on it!"

I'm not making this up. Excuse me while my head explodes like that dude in Scanners.

With this cavalier attitude toward copyright and lack of respect for others' hard work, it should come as no surprise that Cooks Source seems to have stolen work from a variety of sources, including the The Food Network.

I'm not sure if the Cooks Source editor's behavior can be chalked up to chutzpah or just plain stupidity, but whatever it is, she's got plenty of it.

For all the grisly details, read Edward Champion's fine article, and the forums at Absolute Write. And many thanks go to the ever-awesome Lauren at BiblioBuffet for sharing this story.

Writing is hard work. That doesn't give you an excuse to steal others' work and pass it off as your own.

Fun with dictionaries or "Father, why do these words sound so nasty?"

Wow. A California school pulled a dictionary from its curriculum. A dictionary. Why? Because some biddy working as a volunteer found that the dictionary contained a definition for.... oral sex.

Goodness me! Those dictionaries, defining things with no regard for morality! Egads!

Ridiculous as this story is, it brought back some fine nostalgia for me. I was 11 when my parentals took me to see the movie Hair. Yes, Hair. With drugs and nudity and everything! (I bet that biddy who got the dictionary yanked from her school would call CPS on my folks if this all hadn't happened 30 years ago.)

Anyway, during the song "Sodomy" there were some words I didn't understand*. I asked my Mom what was going on. "He's saying those words to shock the girls," she said. Yes, I asked, but what do those words mean? "I'll tell you later."

Well, I knew that "I'll tell you later" was code for "I am not going to tell you". Damn the luck. Nevertheless, intrepid me consulted a dictionary when I got home to find out just what those words meant.

Bear in mind that I was 11 and this was a more innocent time. I found the words all right, but my reactions were either "I still don't get it" or "EEEWWWWW! Why would anyone want to do THAT??!!"

*For the record, the words are: sodomy, fellatio, cunnilingus, pederasty, and masturbation. There, I said them and I'm glad, GLAD do you hear me! Of course, this post now cannot be read in certain California schools, but so be it. I live on the edge, me.

Summarizing the plot

If there's one thing I hate, it's having to come up with an answer to the question, "What's your book about?" Some people can distill an entire book down to one pithy sentence - I am not one of these people. It's especially difficult with non-genre stories ("See, there are these people, and stuff happens, and...").

For a humorous take on the subject, check out the Uncomfortable Plot Summaries posting at postmodernbarney.com. My favorites are for Serenity (Men fight for possession of scantily clad, mentally ill teenage girl), Twin Peaks: Fire Walk With Me (Father becomes more involved in teenage daughter's life), and Sophie's Choice (Mother loves one of her kids way more than the other one). Check it out, and be sure to read the comments for more summaries.

The fine art of smiting

This is one of my favorite Far Side cartoons.

It's a bit hard to read, but the caption says "God at His computer" and he's about to press the "Smite" button and make the piano fall down on that unlucky bastard.

Why do I like this cartoon? Because writers are a lot like God at His computer. Characters, many of them perfectly nice people, are diddy-bopping along with their lives when the writer decides to hit the "Smite" button and BAM! Said character is toast.

What a lot of my friends readers don't seem to understand is that I writers don't want to smite characters.* The story makes us do it, I swear! Do you think I want to kill off the  nicest characters? It's not my fault! I blame the Muse!

This topic provoked a debate this last Saturday when I took my Constant Readers Erik and Gerry to the Blue Bayou at Disneyland (I had the mahi mahi - yum!). I held the position that a smiting only counts if the character dies during the course of the narrative. People who die before the story begins (i.e., the character whose murder drives the story in my mystery Undertow) do not count.

Erik and Gerry respectfully disagreed, saying that any character death that was relevant to the story counted, including characters who died before the narrative began or whose deaths happened in flashback. (It took them a while to arrive at this admittedly reasonable position - at one point in the debate they were trying to blame me for the death of Jacob Marley in A Christmas Carol. I suspect they still haven't forgiven me for a couple of the smitings that have been in my books.)

I concede they have a point but now I have to readjust all my smite tallies for my books. Yes I keep smite tallies. In the work-in-progress I'm up to two...SO FAR! MUWAHAHAHA! MINE IS AN EVIL LAUGH!

* Not unless they really deserve it. **

** Or unless it will really vex my friends. Erik and Alyca, I'm looking at you.

Happy 2009

Hope everyone had a safe and pleasant New Year's.

I've never been keen on New Year's Eve - I'm not much of a partier and less of a drinker. This last New Year's I was in bed by 10:30 and the most excitement of the evening was me doing a coffee spit-take while watching Mystery Science Theater 3000 take on Parts: The Clonus Horror. Wheee. 

Personally I'd like to abolish New Year's altogether and reinstate the 12 days of Christmas - nothing but feasting and presents from Christmas Day until Epiphany. It's not like any of us get anything done during that time anyway. 

But as it stands, New Year's really is just a signal to us that the holiday time is over. So let me assess what the New Year holiday means to me.

Return to day job: Ugh.

Return to eating sensibly: Bleagh.

Get back on the exercycle: Meh. (I'm actually OK with this, seeing as how I was getting results shortly before Thanksgiving, but said results are gone now thanks to the holidays AKA the month of slothfulness and gluttony.)

Get back to regular writing schedule: YES YES YES!! Now this I like. And I'm very proud that I'm 27,000 words into the project I wasn't even due to start until after the holidays. My muse cracks a whip, she does.